Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
