You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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