They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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