I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
