It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
