am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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