My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
