fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
