Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
