I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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