you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
