I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
