I just pynch a tree in the face
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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