You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
