This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
