What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
