I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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