I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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