in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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