he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
whose ass print is on the piano?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
