I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
