ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
