I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
