Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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