im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize