I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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