just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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