And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
