she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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