Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
