ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
