3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This is classic penis vs brain.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
