You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
