Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
