Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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