we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
