Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
