why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
