im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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