I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize