When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
