The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize