This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
