he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
