Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
