You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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