Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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