just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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