A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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