If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
