Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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