this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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