I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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