Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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