one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
