Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize