I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
