i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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