Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
