My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
