I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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