ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
