i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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