i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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