I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
