Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
