You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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