This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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