do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think my moral compass just broke
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