apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
