wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
