Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
