It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
